The Daily Deskhenge:
Today’s deskhenge seems or at least feels a little complicated. The stones are my ancestor rocks, so they’re nice and solid and grounding in what’s real in my life. Yay on that. But the Queen of Cups, whom I often see as a signifier for myself in the deck, is reversed, suggesting the possibility of someone who has lost her moral compass as she develops her vision, and who is no longer acting for the good of the community. This can also suggest someone who is wildly creative and passionate, but ungrounded and ambitious in a not-good way. I had thought that the position for the card in the general spread would be of what’s helping in my life right now, and if that’s so, then it’s a non-flattering vision of myself as someone who has lost her way and is no longer on the moral high ground. Perhaps this opportunity has come up to bring me face to face with a hard truth, mirroring something at me that I’m truly loath to look at on my own: that when my emotions get the better of me (which they have been doing lately, big time), I lose my sense of service and honor and my sense of elevation toward divinity; in effect, I become angry, bitchy, vicious, hurtful, and nasty, and potentially even dangerous because of mean-spiritedness and small-mindedness. The second card, the one on the right, is the 5 of Swords, and is often associated with defeat or failure. Well, losing my sense of service and honor and elevation toward divinity would totally count as a defeat, so there’s that. And it’s something I’ve been going through a lot lately as I face my inability to control my temper, as I really let myself feel anger, emotional pain, and frustration for the first time since I was a kid. But the position in the spread as I had set it up is of what’s NOT helping in my life right now. So taken in that light, the message coming through could be to *not* give in to feelings of defeat and despair, of feeling like a losery loser from loser-town because I’m not all evolved and totally in control of my shit, of actually being a human being. Taken in that light, the message is to allow the painful or uncomfortable feelings to run their course and then let them go, along with all feelings of self-judgment, self-doubt, self-beating-up-in-the-dark-alley-of-the-mind, etc. Because that sucks, and it’s not useful energy-wise. I’ve actually had this sort of vision for the last few days whenever I’ve felt the blinding rage come up: in the vision, I go outside and shove my hands into the nearest earth I can find, or I lean up against a tree, and just let all the anger drain off me and into the Earth. I think I might just have to try doing that, so that I can get back on the path of being a grownup, and of turning that Queen up there back around.