I realized this morning that throughout my adult life, I’ve seen myself as kind of a relationship-victim, even while projecting (if only to myself) an image of invulnerability and of some kind of not-caring-that-I’m-single attitude. I came to understand that I’ve been looking at things entirely wrongly, and that I need to look in a different way at how I relate with men with whom I’d like to establish relationships. I’ve seen myself as being a victim of the 20th-/21st-century misogynistic objectification of women, of being both overweight *and* smart and believing that men don’t like either of those kinds of women, even while daily presented with example after example after friggin’ example of successful relationships to the contrary. I didn’t even realize I was holding these prejudices until this morning, nor did I get that of all the men I’ve dated in my life, none of the poor bastards ever stood a chance with me because of my victim-headed beliefs and how much I had invested in maintaining my relationship-isolation and my unwillingness to practice compassion on either them or me.
So when I was creating the Deskhenge this morning, I put all the crystals either upside down or backwards so that I could see what I was missing. Checking things out from another angle. The cards seem to reflect this process of upheaval and reversal: The Angel Jeremiel (on the left) leaves difficulties behind, helping me to see that this new perspective will allow me to get past the block I’ve had up to exploring myself and another in relationship for *decades*. The dude on the horse in the 6 of Wands (the bottom card) reflects success in a venture, meaning to me in this spread that my fundamental thinking shift is correct. Or arrogant. Or both. 😉 The Temperance card (to the right) cautions prudence and moving forward without overdoing it, and the 8 of Cups (at the top) signifies leaving what I’ve already experienced and felt behind, and moving on to a new way of expressing.
What belief system or structure can you turn on its head today?